After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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