Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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