My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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