I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
