He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize