so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
