if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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