Pants 0. Shit 1.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
