She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
