I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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