my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
