We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize