it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
