just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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