I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
