I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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