then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
