I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
