i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
