Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
