any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Cover your peen. We're going out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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