I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
then he tried to convert me to islam
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
