i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
