there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
