I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
