The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
