I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
