we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
