I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need help removing her.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
