Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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