do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And then he peed in my hair
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize