so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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