he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
