i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry about my life...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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