This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
