Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
