I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
