I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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