I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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