i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
