she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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