Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
