I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
