dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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