You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
