Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
