you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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