Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
