no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
