a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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