Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
