Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
