I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
