Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
