she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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