I'm eating all of the evidence.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
