So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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