You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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