I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
