My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
