dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
