the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
