Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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