I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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