like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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