You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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