ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
