I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
