I think i sorta joined a cult last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
