someone threw a dead crab at me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
