it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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