YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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