Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you would pick up someone in the library
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
