Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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