Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
40s are totally the cure
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
