i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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