oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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