Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
