I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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