taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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