if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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