See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
