So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Enjoy the penises
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
