I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
