Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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